I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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