True but thats because hes a fetus.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize