I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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