Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still dying that you shit outside
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
