i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize