shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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