She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I am naked and annoyed.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
