On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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