So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
