Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
