i would punch a child for taco bell
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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