Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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