I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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