Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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