Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
