i don't like sucking hair
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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