problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
