I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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