White coat. Heels.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
