Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
