Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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