I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i will never coherently bang her
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm getting married
To pizza
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
