I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
