is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
