summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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