are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
me + whiskey = a bad person
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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