I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
