Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
