just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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