I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
