i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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