If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
