she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
