How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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