I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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