Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
