I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I fill condoms, not promises.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
