If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
