My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
