ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
