Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
