I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Randomize
