we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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