U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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