Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
