I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
