u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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