just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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