really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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