wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
