Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
