High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
