We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
i dont even know how to be here
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
