The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
