absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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