His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Randomize