I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you would pick up someone in the library
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
