shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
