Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
