If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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