im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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