I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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